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Title: Get the Guy
Author: Matthew Hussey
Genre: Family & Relationships
Publisher: Random House
Release Date: January 31, 2013
Pages: 304

In Get the Guy author Matthew Hussey seeks to help women meet a great guy and building a lasting relationship with him.

Contents

Full Summary

You finding the guy with a mix of pro-activeness and high value
You get the guy with challenge, value and connection (+ visual chemistry)
You keep the guy marrying high value qualities with male needs

Matthew Hussey begins by saying he’s qualified to teach women how to get guys because he’s spent years coaching men in dating and he knows how men think.

Part I: Find the Guy

Put the Odds in Your Favor

Hussey says most women meet too few guys.
They think it will somehow just happen, or that if it’s meant to be the right guy will just somehow materialize.
He urges to drop that mentality, build a lifestyle where you meet tons of new men and give as many men as possible a chance!

Social Life Serving Love Life

Matthew Hussey advises an old technique around the social improvement field: says yes every time, to every invite (Contrary to what Vanessa recommends in Captivate).

On “how to work a room” Matthew suggests to stop and stand when you enter into new venues. Take in the environment, see and let yourself be seen.
That author tells a story of a club owner he met and suggests you should adopt the “owner mentality”.
My Note:
The owner story is popular in men’s dating advise. I don’t it’s a good strategy for a woman: it’s too overbearing.

Being a Woman of High Value

Hussey says that getting the guy starts with yourself. As much as you’re looking for a man of high value, men are looking for women of high value too.
The author concedes that “high value” is relative, but certain traits are fixed. These traits are:

Confidence
Independence
Integrity
Femininity

Self Confidence
Hussey says that a high value woman is confident in her own value and knows what she wants. She is also confident in making her needs clear when they’re not being met and is able to walk away from relationships that do not fulfill her.
She is unaffected by superficial things and is neither intimidated nor overly impressed by looks, money or high status.
My Note:
True, but don’t overdo it. Like Harvey says in Act Like a Lady, many “strong, independent women are also lonely”.
On the other hand, the author says, low confidence and uncertain women are doing things to please others. A confident man will lose interest in an uncertain woman, and men can always sense when a woman is uncertain about herself.
My Note:
This would be the “nice girl” of Why Men Love Bitches (read: better strong woman or submissive woman?). One note here: well placed insecurities can push the “need to protect her” button in a man.

To attract extraordinary people, be extraordinary Click To Tweet

Approach Men

Matthew Hussey says that one of the biggest misconception about men and how they think shines through when women say “if he really liked me he would have come and talked to me“.
He says the more he likes you, the harder it is for him. Indeed, the guys who are most likely to approach you, are also more likely to approach a lot of women, and they’re probably only 1% of the male population.

Contrary to many other authors (for example: Power of the Pussy, He’s Not Into You) Hussey recommends you do approach.

How to Approach

Matthew Hussey describes a few ways a woman can start a conversation.
He says you should look at the guy first, maybe for half a second, and then smile the second time you look at him.

Then make it easier for him to talk to you by getting closer to him.

Matthew has a terrific piece of advise when he says that woman should never be easy, but the first ten seconds of a conversation, be easy. Give him a chance.

Asking for a favor
You can start a convo asking for a favor, which also plays on the man’s ego and makes him feel like a man.

“Pass the Test”
Ask a question (for example: what type of drink you should order). Then depending on his reply either say “great you passed the test” or “oh that’s a pity, it would never work between us“. The author says he will automatically think “yes it can work and I will prove it to you“.
My Note:
This is another typical man’s pick up technique. The risk is that the guy will see what you’re up to, know that you’re into him and label you as a big of a game player.

Seed the Date
Matthew Hussey says that you don’t really ask for a date, but seed the idea. For examples you could say

“All the guys I know keep telling to try (name of popular restaurant)”.

When he says he hasn’t tried it, say you’re the only two who haven’t been there yet and you should go.

When you’re leaving then you say something like “hey, I gotta go, lemme leave you my number and maybe we can do something sometime“.

Part II: Get The Guy

Formula of Attraction

Matthew Hussey says the ultimate formula of attraction is composed of visual chemistry + perceived challenge + perceived value + connection.

Playing Hard to Get
Matthew Hussey says that playing hard to get is a terrible strategy long term. Pretending to be always too busy or too aloof will only get chasing you the most undiscerning type of men.

My Note: God I agree here and I’m glad he says it. Read how to get high quality men with mutual escalation.

Sex Talk

Matthew Hussey says that waiting X dates before having sex takes your focus into game playing and away from the most important thing: building a connection.
Sex should happen when you make an emotional connection.

The author says that waiting too long is also a mistake because he will feel like he’s not important to you sexually. And men do get their validation through sex.

My Note: couldn’t agree more. Hussey is one of the few authors to nail this point. Also read why you should not let him wait for sex.

How to Spot “Only for Sex Guys”
Hussey says that if gets too emotional or persistent when you deny sex, you shouldn’t date him again.

Why Hasn’t he Called?

Matthew Hussey says that some misconceptions the guy hasn’t called yet is because he’s intimidated, because he doesn’t want commitment or because he’s only after sex.

The real reasons, Hussey say, are that she was one of these:

too nice and no challenge
boring
too aggressive
too desperate
trying too hard to impress
too negative
no chemistry

My Note: I disagree with the ” too nice and no challenge”: he would still want to have sex with you.

Part III: Keep The Guy

How to Be The Woman of His Dreams

Sexual Satisfaction
Matthew Hussey says that your man should know that you derive complete sexual satisfaction with him.

Uniqueness
Hussey says that you should make your man feel unique, that you would choose him no matter what.

Male Protection
Matthew says you should make the man feel like you need him. Being independent is what makes a woman a high value woman, but not giving him any chance to add value or help you emasculates him.

Cheer Him Up
The author says that supporting him and making him feel like you believe in him is another central part in keeping a guy happy.

Is he Mr Right?

Matthew says that two values are the most important in guaranteeing a long term relationship:

growth
team work

If you don’t have these two values you don’t have much long term potentials. If you have these two in common, you can overcome difficulties and differences.

If You Want him to Commit

The author says that extraordinary don’t just attract extraordinary, but also keeps extraordinary.
And then adds that you should be careful to over-commit and give too much too soon.

The Girl that Made the Author Commit
Matthew gives a funny and great example of him telling a girl he wasn’t going to commit. Little did he know, not long after he did commit. How did she do it? She kept cool when he said he wasn’t feeling like being in a relationship. Then she lowered him in the list of priorities, but STILL was great when they were together. That made the trick.

Chapter 21: Love for Life

I invite you to read the book for this final chapter.

Extraordinary don't just attract extraordinary. It keeps extraordinary. Click To Tweet

Unique Point of View
Of all the authors in the women’s dating literature space, Hussey is probably the most original.
I believe a big reason why is that he comes from men’s dating space, and he beings a lot of ideas from there that were not previously present in the women’s dating literature.
That’s a plus, but also a con (read below).

Great Insights
The author has many many great insights that many other authors -especially female ones- don’t have. For example, many female writers fail to stress that you should reject his sexual advances tactfully.
Or that for most guys, being single means having little sex actually :).

Cheesy – Game-y
The book is not overall cheesy, but some parts are (bit reminiscent of of The Game).
Some men will see you like them but are hiding behind games.

Made for Men
Some of the advise is man dating advice swapping “she” with “him”. And sometimes that’s not ideal.

Confrontational
Some of Hussey’s suggestion to be a challenge can start a silent battle dynamic. For example he suggests to tell the guy he’s so lucky to be with her. That’s not good because it starts a “who’s lucky/better” dynamic (check: 4 communication mistakes men do in relationships and combative relationships).

Video Bonuses Up-Sell
There’s quite some up-selling in the book.

Overall solid content, lots of great information.

Get The Guy on Amazon.

Further Reading
Check my section with all summaries and reviews of all the women dating’s best sellers.

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Preview — Get the Guy by Matthew Hussey

Most dating books tell you what not to do. Here's a book dedicated to telling you what you can do.
In his book, Get the Guy, Matthew Hussey - relationship expert, matchmaker, and star of the reality show Ready for Love - reveals the secrets of the male mind and the fundamentals of dating and mating for a proven, revolutionary approach to help women to find lasting love.
Ma...more

Published March 5th 2013 by HarperAudio (first published January 31st 2013)

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Pdf Man Myth Matthew Hussey Get The Guy Free Pdf

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Rating details

Being a male, I read this book out of curiosity and I was surprised how good it was. It deals primarily with inner game and attitude and most of it can be applied to both men and women. Therefore, I believe it is actually too narrowly marketed to female readers. There are some passages that deal with 'the inner lives' of men and from a male perspective they resonated with me. I can now better understand why previous relationships of mine did not work out. I very much enjoyed that Matthew does no...more

This book's approach reminds me of that old Steve Martin comedy bit, 'How you can have one MILLION dollars, and NEVER pay taxes...first, get a million dollars. Now---'
The book is described as providing dating tips that still let you be you, and don't require any gamesmanship to meet and keep a quality man; neither claim turns out to be true. In a nutshell, the book's how-to can be boiled down to this:
1. Get an amazing, irresistible life.
2. Be an amazing, irresistible person.
3. Stop being insecur...more

Jul 09, 2013Kim rated it really liked it

This is a great book, but it's more of a broad 'this is how you should live your life' philosophy book. So if you're expecting a detailed how-to-capture-a-man-step-by-step manual, you'll be disappointed.
A lot of what Hussey says is common sense, but some girls (like me) who are kind of clueless with men need to hear it. I like that the tone of this book is very hopeful and optimistic, and his advice is two-fold: not only is it about improving your dating life, but it's also about improving yours...more

Eh. Most of the advice in this book was geared towards making you feel like you have to be a Manic Pixie Dream Girl in order to land a guy. There's a lot of unsettling talk about constantly sexually validating your man in order to keep him (or else he'll cheat!). I'd say at least 80% of this book is useless or hurtful. I have a particular problem with Hussey's repeated insinuations that if you are good enough, you can tame that bad boy who doesn't want to commit. Read: it's your fault he's not c...more

What if I told you there was a simple, concise, no-nonsense manual on how to find, attract and keep your ideal man? Sounds too good to be true? Well, such a book exists; it is written by the world’s leading relationship coach and love guru, Matthew Hussey.
From the very first word typed in the introduction, the Get the Guy book is launched from the very sobering platform of “love is hard.” A very clear and accurate portrait of love is etched across the canvas of the first page; just reality, a no...more

Jul 08, 2014Liza rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, kindle, kindle-library, non-fiction-advice

It's a basic book telling you what you already know, but somehow have forgotten along the way. While the videos were cute (I could directly open them on my Kindle) what made them annoying was that Hussey kept saying, 'Like this video. Now buy more man getting secrets!' It just had a scam feel to it, which I didn't like.
Basically this book is asking you to be more open, take more chances, and not let men walk all over you. You know this, I know this, but sometimes you need to hear it from someone...more

Jun 18, 2014Lin rated it it was ok

Well, I sometimes learn more form people I disagree with than from people who always have the same views. This book was okay, I liked the general self-development parts but when it comes to dating advice it's not my cup of tea. However, I enjoyed seeing things from his perspective, especially when it drifted into being a little autobiographical.

When I started reading this book, I immediately was challenged by the thoughts being introduced. However the advice to be a woman of high value and not to settle was compelling. No woman in her right mind wants to settle for less and that is easier said than done.
Matthew goes over and beyond. Not only does he tell you want you need from his heart, he then explains the concept with his analogy about the train or other examples and quotes. Although you have to get out there and try... What I find...more

May 16, 2013MissAnnThrope rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2013, library-book, non-fiction, self-help

18 May 2013
Admittedly, I am a cynic when it comes to matters of the heart and self-help books on relationships don't even make a blip on my radar of books to read. However, after watching Matthew Hussey on Ready for Love, his insight resonated deeply with me and my curiosity was piqued by Get the Guy: How to Find, Attract, and Keep Your Ideal Mate. I probably would have hesitated to pick up the book if it weren't for my best friend's high recommendations, and I'm sure glad she nudged me to read...more

Funny one. Be ideal and your chances will improve significantly. Not really inspiring, huh?

The book was better than I expected, but not by much. The methods presented are the ever annoying catch-22 plans.... don't be too intimidating, but be 'high-value.' Be sexy, but don't make him think you're a slut. Be straightforward, but in a flirty, non-threatening way!! Not rating it 1 star because the first part of 'how to meet guys' is mostly solid advice... namely 'don't live in a hole, the more people you meet the likelier you are to meet 'the one...' and that meeting and being friendly to...more

May 04, 2013Sara rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: library-book, non-fiction, 2013, want-to-read-again, self-help

Very interesting.
Matthew Hussey really has a compassionate voice. The writing in this book felt like he was cheering you on and that he truly desired you to be the best you can possibly be. He instantly felt like someone you could trust and be safe with- and I don't know how to describe the specifics in his writing that made me feel this way.
I found many things in this book interesting and I would read it again.

Jan 18, 2017PeterBlackCoach rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Read this book as a result of a request for advice from a single female client - and being out of my depth, thought I would get some different views. I consider Matthew Hussey has provided a good insight into the male mind together with some great suggestions for females wanting to 'Get the Guy'. Of course, everyone will need to apply their own goals, values and principles in reading this book - then work out what is best for them.

Oct 11, 2018Nereid rated it liked it · review of another edition

I picked up this book out of curiosity as I saw it online in a feed on my Facebook page. I do not agree with all that this author has said but some things did ring true. It kind of reminds me of that book an movie 'He's just not into you' which was popular a few years ago. It is interesting concept on how differently the two sexes think and feel regarding certain matters. It is definitely is a good dinner conversation starter that's for sure.

Jul 02, 2013Jill rated it liked it

Some really painful misspellings, but some solid ground advice. I didn't care for the advice on when to have sex with a guy, but other than that and a few really awful edit misses, I found it to be a pretty informative read. PS - I HATE self-help books and especially lame relationship books. I still felt like this one was not a waste of my time.

• style 4/5
• plot ---
• impact 4/5
• derived information 3/5
summary: 3,5/5
The best on that topic, I've ever read.
Edit: I'm coming back and giving this work full 5 stars! Those strategies I now use daily and with amazing results. Thank you Matthew!

Apr 26, 2019Nicole Johnson rated it did not like it

I liked the whole thing about being social and chatting up everyone. After that, I personally just could not get over the fact that every single reference was geared toward the Caucasian population. Every time a woman was described, the visualization was that of a white woman. All of the men who were described, also that of white men. I know it may not matter to most and many may not understand, but, as a woman of color, it's nice to know that you see, hear and recognize women of color. It was d...more

Jun 03, 2017Srimanti Chtj rated it really liked it

Thought this was an interesting book; not the usual self-help book. Good insights into both men and women.

Simply a waste of time. It's not worth a sexist book. He is a scammer.

Is vary bad

Sexist, misogynist, exploiter, selling the supposed secret formula to understand a man, keep him by your side and make him happy. Hey woman !!! You do not need this.

I love this book! Despite being primarily a 'dating' advice book, I got so much more from Matthew. He really drills into you the idea of being high-value (which he knows we inherently are.) What I loved about this concept is that it translates to many other areas of life. I feel like the contents of this book are what everyone knows to be true, but no one wants to admit to themselves. It offers many practical suggestions for confusing situations, many of which I wish I had used myself in the pas...more

Nov 12, 2013Colleen Wainwright rated it liked it · review of another edition

DON'T JUDGE. Okay, go ahead and judge. There's a hot-pink cover emblazoned with a cheesy graphic that practically begs you to. But like a few other entrants in the how-to-date genre (If the Buddha Dated, Why You're Not Married Yet, and even He's Just Not That Into You), this book contains a lot of good information/support on establishing boundaries, remaining true to oneself, and communicating needs clearly and consistently in relationships of all stripes, not just romantic ones.
I'd be very (VE...more

Apr 29, 2018Vinh Khang Nguyen rated it it was amazing

If you think this is a book for only women, you must be wrong.
Whether you want to seek a man or a woman of your life, lessons taught by Matthew are true for almost every one who longs to find the right partner, and build a life of fulfillment with your partner.
I won't say much about the content. But the book left me with whole new different points of views on how relationship works, and how we should be prepared, creating options for our relationship life, not just waiting for a lovestruck, firs...more

Oct 18, 2017Catherine Oughtibridge rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I genuinely enjoyed this book. Yes, it was a light read, and reading it felt frivolous, but the message hit home.

I read this book a chapter a day for 22 days.
Each day I wrote down my opinions of it's content, but while reading it I went through many phases of emotion and although I feel that I picked up some valuable information, reading this book has made me feel bad about myself at a very disheartening level.
Below is my summary of the book. Please be aware that as the book went on, many of the chapter's became shorter and more focused on one single aspect.
Chapter 1 of Get The Guy basically says that I...more

I have been following Mat since his early videos on youtube so for me the middle part of the book was a little boring because I kinda knew most of what he had to say.
yet, most of the opening and ending chapters were relatively new and I can say that overall it was a nice read. While the main focus of the book is on 'getting the guy' it still offers strategies on becoming a woman of value and building a social circle in general.
at some parts of the book I was reminded with 'act like a lady, think...more

This book is amazing. Interacting with guys as a married woman is so different from interacting with them as a single one! It's been extremely helpful to have this book to learn how to talk to guys again especially now that texting and online dating are so big. Haha. Something Matthew emphasizes is being a woman of value with high standards that you stick to as a way of attracting the right people. I've heard this advice in church for years but was never sold on it until he presented it. His adv...more

Matthew empowers women and motivates them to see themselves as ‘high value women' women who depend on looks and emotions will not have a good relationship. This book is quite excellent on the topic. I quite like his encouragement in believing in women to display variety personality and be more then a woman to the man she loves. I would recommend for anyone to read this book as I enjoyed reading.

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Matthew Hussey (born June 19, 1987) is a British television personality, human dynamics coach, and New York Times Bestselling author. He currently stars on NBC's Ready for Love.

“Remember, the pain of rejection is nothing compared to the pain of regret.” — 22 likes

“Having integrity is about knowing what your own standards are and being completely comfortable with them.” — 8 likes

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